Kartik arrived late for dogs, by two whole months!
By Sishir K. Rana
The polar ice caps are indeed melting! Global warming is not a hoax after all! I should stop reading and 'believing' those damn conspiracy theorists.
It rained today. It was only a drizzle. No, the rain didn't turn my hair green or burn holes through my jacket. It was just before it rained, just before I left for work, and just after I opened the gate. There she was—my dear bitch busy getting off in an orgy.
Man, those dogs were getting at it like there's no tomorrow. Well, it's understandable, given that their libido shoots up only once a year. And boy, do they shoot up frigging crazy or what? And it's understandable again, given that they strictly abstain for a whole year. I couldn't see my bitch—my sweet Pomeranian— being screwed up by six horny alpha males including my neighbor's hunky German Shepherd.
I was infuriated. I can watch a dozen rugged bikers taking turns for a foursome on a blonde chick in a porno flick; but this, no. I picked up a brick and hurled it at the black Labrador who was romping on my dear Pom like hell had just unleashed. The Lab yelped from pain and dragged my Pomey along with him.
"No, he didn't," I told myself and slung another piece of brick at the black devil. "No, he didn't," I told myself again. Then I realized, and I blushed. Duh! They're dogs—a work half done is getting stuck together 'down there' until the work is fully done.
I shooed away other testosterone dribbling beasts so that the Lab could finish off his business without constant interference. The dogs sniffed my bitch one last time and went away grumbling, stiff legged. They all gathered at a distance and drooled with anticipation.
It took longer than I anticipated. I was getting late for work. Family first and everything second I thought and decided to wait till they were able to 'come' out of each other. It took precisely 34 min and 26 sec give or take. Kicked off the Lab, stashed back the Pom, and went off to work.
On the way, I got to thinking. Riding a motorcycle alone for thirty minutes does give you a plenty of time to sing and lip-synch. Half way through, two 3 Doors Down, one Keith Urban and two Janis Joplin songs later, while I was doing a bad rendition of Me and Bobby McGee, I passed by what could only be a flashback of the smaller version of the morning's spectacle.
"Maybe that bitch wasn't attractive enough," I thought, a dog-owner's pride surging with paternal love.
When I arrived at the office gate, there were three dogs sniffing and growling at each other. "Where's the bitch?" I thought. "Is homosexuality really possible in animals," I started to ponder while parking my motorcycle.
There wasn't much work to do at the office, thanks to my colleague, who values his work ethics gravely. Maybe I can learn something from him, but I still can't put my finger on what it is.
Like I said, as there was no work, I decided—as always—to browse through the internet. There was this article on global warming on this website which gave helluva lot of information my indolent brain couldn't comprehend. All I understood was that global warming was a conspiracy cooked up by some crazy scientists stuck in Antarctica.
Ooh! Information overload. I looked over the window, and there it was again—an all too familiar sight.
I looked up the calendar to check on what day the New Year fell on. It was on Sunday and I said 'Yippee', but not too loudly. Actually, only to myself. I can't disclose why. Sensitive information!
Anyways, the picture of Machapuchre on the calendar was breathtaking, and the Fewa Lake, and the Lalu Pates, and Poush 9. "Poush!" I screamed. I mean, I almost screamed. How can it already be Poush? The all too familiar dogs-on-dog scenes since morning told otherwise. When did Kartik come and go?
I went back to finally finishing the article, and all of a sudden it struck me like a bolt of lightning. Duh! It's the global warming, silly. If dogs can sense impending earthquakes, surely they can sense global warming! Surely Kartik arrived two months late for them—those only-once-a-year horny bastards—in the middle of winter instead of autumn.
* Kartik and Poush are Nepali calendar months.
Kartik - starts mid October
Poush - starts mid December
*********************
You can also read his articles at www.offthebeat.blogspot.com.
It rained today. It was only a drizzle. No, the rain didn't turn my hair green or burn holes through my jacket. It was just before it rained, just before I left for work, and just after I opened the gate. There she was—my dear bitch busy getting off in an orgy.
Man, those dogs were getting at it like there's no tomorrow. Well, it's understandable, given that their libido shoots up only once a year. And boy, do they shoot up frigging crazy or what? And it's understandable again, given that they strictly abstain for a whole year. I couldn't see my bitch—my sweet Pomeranian— being screwed up by six horny alpha males including my neighbor's hunky German Shepherd.
I was infuriated. I can watch a dozen rugged bikers taking turns for a foursome on a blonde chick in a porno flick; but this, no. I picked up a brick and hurled it at the black Labrador who was romping on my dear Pom like hell had just unleashed. The Lab yelped from pain and dragged my Pomey along with him.
"No, he didn't," I told myself and slung another piece of brick at the black devil. "No, he didn't," I told myself again. Then I realized, and I blushed. Duh! They're dogs—a work half done is getting stuck together 'down there' until the work is fully done.
I shooed away other testosterone dribbling beasts so that the Lab could finish off his business without constant interference. The dogs sniffed my bitch one last time and went away grumbling, stiff legged. They all gathered at a distance and drooled with anticipation.
It took longer than I anticipated. I was getting late for work. Family first and everything second I thought and decided to wait till they were able to 'come' out of each other. It took precisely 34 min and 26 sec give or take. Kicked off the Lab, stashed back the Pom, and went off to work.
On the way, I got to thinking. Riding a motorcycle alone for thirty minutes does give you a plenty of time to sing and lip-synch. Half way through, two 3 Doors Down, one Keith Urban and two Janis Joplin songs later, while I was doing a bad rendition of Me and Bobby McGee, I passed by what could only be a flashback of the smaller version of the morning's spectacle.
"Maybe that bitch wasn't attractive enough," I thought, a dog-owner's pride surging with paternal love.
When I arrived at the office gate, there were three dogs sniffing and growling at each other. "Where's the bitch?" I thought. "Is homosexuality really possible in animals," I started to ponder while parking my motorcycle.
There wasn't much work to do at the office, thanks to my colleague, who values his work ethics gravely. Maybe I can learn something from him, but I still can't put my finger on what it is.
Like I said, as there was no work, I decided—as always—to browse through the internet. There was this article on global warming on this website which gave helluva lot of information my indolent brain couldn't comprehend. All I understood was that global warming was a conspiracy cooked up by some crazy scientists stuck in Antarctica.
Ooh! Information overload. I looked over the window, and there it was again—an all too familiar sight.
I looked up the calendar to check on what day the New Year fell on. It was on Sunday and I said 'Yippee', but not too loudly. Actually, only to myself. I can't disclose why. Sensitive information!
Anyways, the picture of Machapuchre on the calendar was breathtaking, and the Fewa Lake, and the Lalu Pates, and Poush 9. "Poush!" I screamed. I mean, I almost screamed. How can it already be Poush? The all too familiar dogs-on-dog scenes since morning told otherwise. When did Kartik come and go?
I went back to finally finishing the article, and all of a sudden it struck me like a bolt of lightning. Duh! It's the global warming, silly. If dogs can sense impending earthquakes, surely they can sense global warming! Surely Kartik arrived two months late for them—those only-once-a-year horny bastards—in the middle of winter instead of autumn.
* Kartik and Poush are Nepali calendar months.
Kartik - starts mid October
Poush - starts mid December
*********************
You can also read his articles at www.offthebeat.blogspot.com.
1 comment:
So good and humorous. Its definitely one of the good article i have read in past few weeks.... Read it..and enjoy it...
Post a Comment